Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by LilyAnaRose
Summary: Inspired by the popular list, The Marauders  mostly Sirius  take the challenge of breaking almost every rule on the list. I only pick the rules that are appropriate and do-able in the Marauders Era. Read and Review. I always rate T.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter; J.K Rowling does… **

**2****nd**** Disclaimer: The idea for this story is dangerously similar to **_**Cliodhna**_**'s "140 things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts" I suggest that (after you read this) go over to her story and read it, it is amazingly funny. She is my inspiration and her story gave me this idea (they're basically the same)**

**A/N: So my disclaimer is basically my Authors Note; let the antics begin…**

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**# 18: I will not shave Mrs. Norris.**

"Headmaster! Headmaster! Headmaster Dumbledore!" A middle aged man yelled as he strode through the large office doors, his face as red as a quaffle, and his arm protectively shielding a small object, which was shaking in his firm grip.

The man in question, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, looked up from his magazine, labeled Transfiguration Weekly. He was an old man with a long white beard and a crooked nose, which half-moon spectacles rested up. He raised a white eyebrow at the shaking object in the other man's hand; his other brow rose as two teenage boys walked in behind him.

"Hello Argus, what can I help you with?"

The other man, Argus, held out the object, his hands shaking, most likely from anger.

"Look what they did! Look what those two _delinquents _did!" He screeched, making the thing in his hand shake even more. The thing tuned out to be an animal, a cat to be exact. The cat had bulging yellow eyes seemed to be larger than they should be, of course, the lack of hair could have contributed to that.

Dumbledore leaned to look at the boys behind Argus; his eyes twinkled with humor as he recognized them. The boy on the left was tall and had long, elegant black hair, his grey eyes were narrowed in a glare at one of the portraits; Dumbledore didn't need to follow his line of vision to see which Headmaster he was glaring at. It was the late Headmaster, Phineas Nigellus Black, which just so happened to be the young teenager's great-great- grandfather, who, in turn, was glaring right back.

However, the other boy, the one with messy black hair, wire framed glasses and hazel eyes, was examining one of Dumbledore's many complex instruments. At this very moment, he was cautiously poking at a small contraption that was ticking and emitting different colored bubbles whenever the boy touched it.

_James Potter and Sirius Black_, Dumbledore thought, _would there ever be a year they _weren't _in his office?_

The old Headmaster turned back to his caretaker, whose face was now a plum color and his hands were shaking so fast that Dumbledore thought that the poor cat would plummet to the ground if Argus wasn't calmed down soon.

"Argus, please explain to me what happened." Dumbledore calmly asked the school's caretaker; know that this wasn't going to be a calm conversation.

Argus' eyes bulged as he began to stutter.

"W-wh-what H-h-happened? What H-HAPPENED? CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED? MY CAT'S BASICALLY _BALD_!" He screeched as he all but threw the cat across the room, "THESE TWO SHAVED HER! THEY DID THIS TO HER!" he swung a hand around to the two boys who backed up a few steps, hoping that they would be able to avoid most injures at a safe distance.

"Boys," Dumbledore started, his tone calm and neutral, although his eyes still held a humorous twinkle, "do you deny shaving Mrs. Norris?"

Sirius shrugged as James let his lips quirk into a half smile.

Dumbledore peered at the boys over his half-moon spectacles and raised both eyes brows again. His stare was more intense as he tried to silently probe an answer from the two third year Gryffindor's. The office was silent for a while except for the troubled caretaker's wheezes.

"Well, I thought it was time for a change." Sirius stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm afraid I don't understand Mr. Black, change what?"

"Well every year we, the students, come back and see the same old Mrs. Norris, her same old dust colored fur and everything! I decided this year that it was time for a change." He motioned towards the cat in Argus' hands.

"Did you?"

"Why yes Professor! James and I went to a dog store this past summer and saw this weird dog- I think it was called a puddle- anyways we took the look of the puddle and put it on Mrs. Norris, with a Marauder's touch of course! See! Look for yourself."

Dumbledore obliged to the thirteen year old's request and took a better look at the cat. The cat did indeed have the look of the so-called puddle. It seemed that Sirius had shaved all the hair off of Mrs. Norris, excluding her head, the tip of her tail, and her ankles.

The 'Marauder's Touch' was something different entirely. It looked as if an invisible quill was using the bare skin on Mrs. Norris' back as a spare bit of parchment. Doodles appeared on her skin before erasing themselves and being replaced by different doodles in a continuous, never-ending cycle.

"That is some very impressive charm work, Mr. Black, but I do wonder how you fit into this equation, Mr. Potter." Out of the corner of his eye Dumbledore saw Argus' face fall, his arms dropped to his sides, and Mrs. Norris with them.

"Actually, Professor," James spoke for the first time, "I was the one that performed the charm." James spoke with pride, not as if he was confessing to breaking a school rule.

"Well, I can see that neither of you will try to even deny Mr. Filch's accusation, I think that detentions should take place, don't you?"

Both boys shrugged.

"Very well, if you would meet Hagrid in Entrance Hall for the next five days at 8 o' clock; I believe we are finished here."

"W-what?" Argus stuttered in disbelief, "WHAT?"

"Boys, if you will please join your housemates down in the Great Hall-"

"-THEY DO THIS- _THIS- _TO MY CAT-"

"- for dinner now."

"-AND ALL THEY GET-"

"Oh, and Mr. Black," Sirius and James turned as they were about to step through the open door, "I believe the word you were looking for was _poodle_. Good day."

"- ARE _FIVE BLOODY DETENTIONS?_ ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR-"

Filch's cries of out range were slightly muffled as James and Sirius closed the door behind them, grinning, although they could make out every word he yelled behind the thick wooden door.

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**A/N: Love it? Hate it? Should I put two rules in a chapter? Or just one? Shoot me a Review**

**~ Frissa :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello! How are all you lovely ladies and gentlemen doing out there today? Good? GREAT! Now before I let you go to read at your whim, I just want to tell you guys that I'm sorry I wasn't able to update for the last two weeks. I was actually out of town (I was in D.C for the National Student Leadership Conference) and the college I was staying in cut us off from everything! Actually, I just got back yesterday. By the way! Thank you all my magnificent reviewers!**

_**P.S: DID ANYONE SEE THE LAST HARRY POTTER TRAILER? WERE YOU NOT AMAZED? DID ANYONE CRY? ***_**raises hand in guilty fashion***

**P.S.S: what are everyone's thoughts on Pottermore?**

**Dislcaimer: Go to first chapter. Also, I don't own the Evil Overlord List. Someone named 'Peter' does.**

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><p><strong>Rule 44: I will not Owl copies of the Evil Overlord list to suspected Death Eaters<strong>

Albus Dumbledore looked up from the stack of parchment that littered the surface of his desk as a knock sounded from behind the grand wooden door in the front of his office. He set down the piece of parchment on top of the others before looking up through his half-moon spectacles.

"Come In"

The door opened, revealing two black-haired boys behind it. The first boy had stormy grey eyes that held a permanent twinkle of amusement, the other with wire-rimmed glasses framing warm hazel eyes.

Dumbledore sighed as he lightly touched his fingers together in what would be described as a teepee.

"Mr. Potter," the hazel eyed boy nodded, "Mr. Black," the grey eyed boy followed his friend's action, "please," Dumbledore gestured to the chairs in front of his desk, "sit."

The two teenagers followed the instructions and took the offered seats.

"Now," Dumbledore peered at the boys over his glasses, "I presume you know why I called you here."

Dumbledore's electric blue eyes scanned the two boys, who remained silent.

"This morning, a couple of sixth year Slytherin's came into my office today. They each handed me a paper titled the 'Evil Overlord List' claiming they got it in the post this morning during breakfast. Care to explain?"

The two sixteen year olds looked at each other, mischievous smiles spreading out on their young faces.

"You see, Professor," the hazel eyed boy, James Potter, broke the silence first, "we decided that, in these times of terror, we would bring a bit of happiness back everyone in Hogwarts."

"Yes boys, I can see where you are coming from. Unfortunately, sending out lists to your fellow Slytherin's, claiming that they are from Lord Voldemort, seemed to be the wrong way to go about it, and, I speak for most of the staff when I say this, a bit inappropriate."

"_Most_ of the staff?" the second boy, Sirius Black, asked, his head cocked to the side and his smile shrunk into a small amused smile.

"Yes, Mr. Black, _most_ of the staff. Personally, I found them quite amusing. Inappropriate, yes; but amusing. My favorite line has to be number 29," Dumbledore picked up the paper he was holding before the two boys had entered, "_I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion_." Dumbledore read off before setting down the 'letter' and looking back at the boys, his eyes twinkling.

Sirius' smile grew as he let out a bark of laughter, "I thought you would've liked that one sir. Do you mind me showing you my favorite?"

Dumbledore handed over the sheet of parchment to the Gryffindor before leaning back into his chair while his pupil scanned the parchment.

"I have to say that I love number 12, _One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation_." He looked up into the elderly face of his headmaster, his face lit up like a small child during Christmas.

"Wouldn't that be cool? I mean to be the 5 year old kid! You'd be one of the most trusted advisors! You could have anything! If I was the kid I'd have a fire truck! An actual muggle fire truck, those things are insane! They can drive around as fast as they can with that loud ringing noise and have everyone move out of the way. They can shoot the water out of the long hosey thingy…" Sirius was now talking so fast that his words were getting jumbled together, Sirius' head was whipping from side to side as he spoke to James and Dumbledore.

Dumbledore smiled and held up a hand, effectively silencing the teenager.

"Yes Mr. Black, I can see where your fascination in the fire truck comes from but I am sorry to inform you that, while yours and Mr. Potter's prank was unique and funny, it was not brought about at the right time. I think that you both agree?"

The two boys looked at each other their smiles vanishing at the thought of their punishment. James and Sirius shrugged and turned to face their headmaster, ready to take whatever was thrown at them.

"I think that one week of detention would be reasonable? Starting Friday at 7 o'clock?"

"I guess that that's understandable." James said in a business-like voice, one that sounded almost identical to his father's.

"I'll send word to Minerva; I dare say that she'll send out a letter to both of you about time and place."

The boys took that as their que to leave and got up from the two chairs, heading for the door.

"Oh and boys," the two Gryffindor's turned around, "let's refrain from sending letters from 'Lord Voldemort' in the future."

The two Marauders nodded and exited the room, identical smiles on their young faces. Dumbledore relaxed and picked up another 'letter', seeing as the one that Sirius had been holding had dropped to the floor. He scanned the parchment looking for the place on the List that he had left off at...

_42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around…_

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><p><strong>AN: thanks for reading! I'm not quite happy with this chapter (size and quality) but I have to give you **_**something**_** I promise the next chapter will be better. For everyone who favorites/alerts this story, please review. The more reviews received the faster the chapters come so REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**P.S: if you want to see the complete "Evil Overlord List" go to this link - . I hope everyone goes to it! It's Hilarious! Okay bye!**

**~ Frissa :D**


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